There is a sense of dis-empowerment in our life for which one seeks outside of self to remedy. We tend to attempt to cope in ways that we find comforting; social isolation (if we are alone we can’t hurt anyone, and they can’t hurt us), anger (unable to express emotions in our relationship, etc.), substance, gaming, and sexual behaviors which are one of the most natural ways in which we seek to self sooth.
I believe that everything comes down to power and control, healthy power and control or unhealthy adapted power and control. Personal healthy empowerment, the goal behind all of my approaches used with clients. If you or your partner is experiencing negative consequences as a result of the coping behaviors that have been used - know that there is help.
Anything can become addictive; food, gambling, exercise, sex, spending, internet, video/computer games, etc. There is a remedy for addictive behavior, addictive substance let's begin the journey of healing!
Whatever form of escapism, if the activity regulates mood and relieves emotional pressures, and needs to be re-enacted time and time again – then the behavior has become addictive.
Addictions at any age begin with a sense of overwhelming and sometimes debilitating stress, depression, fear, or anxiety - leading to emotional escapism. Escaping reality, can take many forms; substance, gambling, video games, food, sex, etc. Anything that takes the person “away” becomes a way to self-medicate; the pressures seem to disappear while in the activity. Yet, the cycle of additional always returns.
The sex addict feels compelled to act out sexually. The addicts themselves (male or female) may not be able to understand why they are acting out sexually or why constant thoughts either of having sex with someone or compulsively masturbating fill their minds, and push out other avenues of interest. The addiction is often mistaken by the sex addict as “love”, but love really has nothing to do with it. What passes for love, is really a progressively negative and intrusive behavior that takes away all of the addict’s self-esteem.
The devastation felt by partners may involve feelings of betrayal, confusion, angry, lonely and leave you questioning your own self-esteem. Partners learn how to recognize that it is not their fault and to stop asking the “what if” scenarios. By working through feelings of victimization in this shared experience, we begin to find witness and support in personal growth, self-realization, and self-transformation leading to a new sense of resiliency.
People experiment with drugs for many different reasons. Many first try drugs out of curiosity, to have a good time, because friends are doing it, or in an effort to improve athletic performance or ease another problem, such as stress, anxiety, or depression. Use doesn’t automatically lead to abuse, and there is no specific level at which drug use moves from casual to problematic. It varies by individual. Drug abuse and addiction is less about the amount of substance consumed or the frequency, and more to do with the consequences of drug use. No matter how often or how little you’re consuming, if your drug use is causing problems in your life—at work, school, home, or in your relationships—you likely have a drug abuse or addiction problem.
Why Do Some Drug Users Become Addicted, While Others Don’t?
As with many other conditions and diseases, vulnerability to addiction differs from person to person. Your genes, mental health, family and social environment all play a role in addiction. Risk factors that increase your vulnerability include:
With beguiling eyes and sensuous words, addiction finds us in our most vulnerable moments. With promises of unlimited ecstasy and highs beyond what we have ever dreamed, addiction whispers of adoration and devotion, all the emotions we have ever dreamed of. Once addiction has us, it follows through with a onetime ecstasy, but never again will it give us that same experience. Forever asking for more and more from us, hinting we are not good enough. Temperamental and fickle, addiction’s adoration and devotion begin to fade, all the while demanding absolute dedication from us.
As with a vicious lover, addiction is never satisfied and looks outside the relationship for new addictive behaviors and substances to fulfill its needs, all the while dragging us behind.
Let's work together in maintaining your sobriety. This is a whole new way of looking at your life, environment, social, work and personal relationships. Getting acquainted with your self and adapting to the new, is part of what we work on together. Recovery is not a journey to take alone!
Families unconsciously slip into unhealthy roles with their addicted loved-ones. Whether your son or daughter is living in or outside of the home, there is one common dilemma: Treating someone as a child rather than as an adult. Your loved-one may choose to play several different roles - using a select role that’s beneficial depending on the circumstance or the audience.
In recovery, it is desirable if your loved-one seeks a healthier role as a willing student or an apprentice. This should lead to learning life skills and coping skills that will help on the road to recovery. It’s beneficial if they connect with someone who coaches or holds them accountable to this new role. This person may be a counselor, sponsor, pastor or a sober member of the recovery community. A f _ _ _ _ _ member, however, is not a good recovery partner.
Parents, spouses or family members must also evolve into new roles. You can develop the skills to be a boundary setter, listener, cheerleader or encourager. In support groups like PAL or in a counselor’s office, you may connect with those who give encouragement, suggestions and support.
1. Intimidator - uses anger to drive people away 2. Intellectual - mistakes knowledge for understanding
3. Victim - blames negative events for addiction
4. Blamer - blames other people for addiction
5. Playing Dumb - “I don’t understand”
6. Avoider - tries to keep a low profile
7. Socialite - keeps a high profile but is superficial
8. A.A. Expert - speaks in slogans but doesn’t get personal
9. Bible Expert - quotes scripture but doesn’t get personal
10. Con Man - thinks he/she is fooling people
11. Closed-Minded - “I know what I have to do”
12. Magic Bullet - “I know what caused my addiction”
13. “Yeah, But” -“That’s a good idea, but it won’t work”
14. Deflector - tries to focus attention away from self
15. Lip Service - agrees to follow through but never does
16. Controller - tries to control the course of own recovery
17. Rabble-Rouser - stirs up conflict between people or groups
18. Suspicious - “What will you do with this information?”
19. Poker Face - non-responsive
20. ___________ - _______________
1. Co-dependent - has a strong need to take care of and to please the loved-one and everyone else
2. Enabler - has a strong need to take care of and to please the loved-one
3. Rescuer - inadvertently keeps loved-one in dependent position
4. Enforcer - plays the part of policeman
5. Ignorer - gives up because “nothing works”
6. Punisher - uses punishment to force changes
7. Controller - makes all decisions in an effort to help
8. Jailer - tries to help loved-one change by keeping them safe at home
9. Lecturer - uses lecture, criticism or advice to try to get loved-one to change
10. Pretender - acts like everything is fine while hoping things will somehow get better
11. Avoider - keeps busy in order to avoid loved-one and perhaps other family members
12. _______ - ______________________________
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**All services provided as Transformational Life Coaching, not to be confused as psychotherapy. Ages: adult (18 - elder). Female & male clients. Please note, Serious Mental Illness', are NOT appropriate for Coaching, (example: schizophrenia, paranoid psychotic disorders, etc). *Coaching sessions are not recognized/covered by insurance, however, services are covered by: Flex Spending Accounts (FLEX) & Health Savings Accounts (HSA).
*** Always check with your medical provider before taking any supplement.